The Science of Parenting

In the past, I have been accused of being rigid or inflexible. I am a scientist, a physicist and engineer by training but also at heart, and, like most science-minded people, it is in my nature to seek out truth and objectivity. So, I was very pleased to find an extremely interesting and helpful new website about parenting. It covers all aspects of child development and care (i.e. breastfeeding, sleep training, social skills, etc.) but, for every claim it makes, it sites a study supporting it. And, while I have not reviewed every study for credibility, this site is miles away from Baby Center.com with its political agendas being pushed under the guise of real science. The site is:

http://www.parentingscience.com

You will often hear moms say things like "There is no right or wrong way to parent, it's about whatever works for you and your family." I strongly disagree. There are definitely wrong ways to parent. And, thanks to the plethora of anthropological, neurological and psychological studies that this website has brought together, the "thinking parent" now has a credible guide to help them make the best decisions for their child. While I don't claim that I have always made the right decisions for Dahlia, I was pleased to find that most of the parenting behaviors sited in these studies as being best for kids, were things that come naturally to me and to most parents.

For example, while it is hard to believe, there are actually women out there who purposely deprive their children (even babies under a year) of affection! Most of them do this not because the child did something wrong, but because they think it will make them independent or because they believe their infant is trying to manipulate them. This is just DUMB. But, put more eloquently ...

"By definition, securely-attached kids are not overly clingy or helpless. They are the kids who feel confident to explore the world on their own. They can do this because they trust that their parents will be there for them" (Mercer 2006).

So, as may seem obvious and intuitive to most of us, routinely ignoring a child's desperate pleas to be held or cuddled will not only fail to make them more independent, it will create an individual without the sense of emotional security necessary to ever achieve independence. Because the need for attachment and affection is innate in humans, a parent will never be successful in conditioning a child to not want this. By repeatedly ignoring them, they will only ensure that the child spends the rest of its life looking for what they chose not to give.

This is just one of the topics covered in this amazing website. I would recommend it, not only to parents but to anyone wanting to learn more about child development and human nature.