Monday, June 6, 2011

Elise


Welcome, Elise Olivia!
April 29, 2011
9 lbs 7 oz

Because the birth of my beautiful Elise has, paradoxically, left me with much to write about but mush for brains with which to write, I will leave you with some photos of one of the two happiest days of my life...




Monday, April 18, 2011

Being a "good mom".

"Almost there... you're almost there." I tell myself this at least twice a day. I say it aloud to my husband at least once a day and to anyone who asks how I'm doing. It helps keep me focused. And, lately, I've needed it because, like most women who've started their 10th month of pregnancy, I'm over being pregnant and am counting down the days until I get to hold my new daughter!

The fact that I know exactly when her birthday will be, as I am having a planned c-section, helps me keep this focus and plan almost every detail around her birth and homecoming. This brings me to a small rant about common attitudes concerning cesareans. I was poking around online and found a comment thread around women who choose surgical births when not medically necessary. I would say at least 75% of the comments were negative. I don't mean slightly negative or critical -but flat out MEAN.

One woman actually said that having a vaginal birth made you love your baby more. Even though this lady was an obvious idiot, her comment amazed me. And, it was not the only one that eluded to a belief that the bond between mother and child was stronger depending on the baby's exit route from mom's body. Never mind the babies that have taken the natural route out of their mother's bodies and into dumpsters or, worse still, have survived birth to live a life of abuse. I am sure you would be hard pressed to find any correlation between abuse and neglect of children by their mothers and mode of delivery. So much for that theory.

The fact is, I think it is idiotic to criticize a mother for how she chooses to bring her child into the world, or to feel superior to another mother because you pushed a baby out of your body while she laid on a table and had one lifted from hers. Similarly, some women harbor the same kind of smugness about breastfeeding -believing themselves to be so much better than those formula feeding moms. Granted, it is almost impossible now-a-days to deny that breast milk is best for babies under 6 months (assuming your milk is not vitamin deficient). It has well established immunological benefits and, having breastfed with my first, I know that the bonding experience (not to mention weight loss) is a beautiful thing. Choosing to breastfeed is choosing a healthier future for your child, I am not arguing that. However, breastfeeding and having a vaginal birth is not what makes a woman a good mother...it just makes her a mammal like the rest of us!

I think all mothers should focus their efforts on the things that do make for a good parent. It is not about how much pain you bravely endured to bring your child into the world, or how much milk your body was able to produce for them -it is about using your mind and your love for them to make the decisions that will help them grow up to be healthy, productive and happy. Among these choices could be the one to breastfeed but it is relatively small in weight when compared to the many choices parents find themselves having to make for their kids on a daily basis. Finding, sorting through and seizing opportunities to teach them, to expose them to new experiences, to give them confidence, empathy and love. All of these things should matter more, simply because they will do much, much more to guarantee the quality of your child's life in the future.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Math As More Than Algebra


I recently printed out some preschool concept worksheets to do for fun and learning for my soon-to-be three year old.


http://www.tlsbooks.com/preschoolconcepts.htm


Having once majored in and taught math, it's not surprising that I initially gravitated toward the "pre-math" worksheets section. It included an intro to numbers and counting. Below this section was a section for worksheets that dealt with concepts such as "more and less", "small and large" and "same and different". "These sections should be combined under the "pre-math" heading", I thought (because I am a geek and take issue with such things).

If you believe that math is just about numbers, then I am sure you are scratching your head (or, more likely, never read past the title of this post). If, in addition, you cannot easily do arithmetic in your head or failed algebra in high school, you are probably also thinking "I am no good with numbers (and therefore no good at math)" or simply "I HATE math!".



I feel entitled to make these assertions because I am one of those people who failed high school algebra. In teaching and tutoring, I've met many young "haters of math" who have asserted their disdain for the discipline while taking an algebra class. So, why is algebra the culprit behind a youth in rebellion against mathematics, the most fundamental tool humanity possesses?


Well, algebra (actually pre-algebra) is the first time you really hear x = 5. WHAT?! How confusing is that? Confusing because it usually precedes a demonstration of how the rules governing mathematical operations exist independently of the values they are manipulating. It abstracts the grade school arithmetic we have all thought of as defining math, and does so through the use of symbols. It makes math about more than just numbers. It is now about the relationships and operations that exist between quantities.

This conceptual leap is quite challenging at first, probably due to inefficacy in how "pre-math" concepts are taught in American public schools to begin with. And, as is a common tendency of our species, our immediate reaction to something we don't understand is to hate it. However, if your curriculum takes you past high school algebra and into calculus, then you start to see math as describing how things change. How what changes? The position of flea on a dog, the flow of blood exiting a gunshot wound... ANYTHING. And once you understand that, you begin to see how beautiful and powerful of a tool it really is.


If you are in that small minority who agrees and goes on to study a field of mathematics in college, then you may end up taking a course called Linear Algebra. Linear Algebra is algebra applied to vectors, which describe anything having a magnitude and a direction in space. It is heavily used in natural, social and computer science (numerical linear algebra). It was this course that served to completely change the way I thought about...well... everything.


The first few weeks were dedicated to learning the theorems of linear algebra and how to prove them. A theorem, which is different from a scientific theory in that it is deductive and not empirical, has a hypothesis and a conclusion and is simply a statement of mathematical truth. A simple example is Pythagorean's theorem which says that if you square the lengths of two sides of a right-angled triangle and add them, you get the square of the length of the longest side. But what fundamentally changed my way of thinking and reasoning was the proving bit. I think Wikipedia says it best:

"The proof of a mathematical theorem is a logical argument demonstrating that the conclusions are a necessary consequence of the hypotheses".

I have highlighted "logical argument" because it is the exercise of considering a hypothesis and deducing what does and doesn't logically conclude, and repeating this day after day, that sharpens one's ability to reason. This is because "logical arguing"extends way outside the proving of mathematical theorems and into everyday life. Everyone in my class at the time emphatically agreed that, after beginning the course, they were able to catch people in logical inconsistencies more often. And, if they chose to do so and were not particularly shy or diplomatic, could provide an argument that was hard to topple.

If you are still reading this you may not hate math and may even be entertained, so I can go on to what sparked my interest in math and science to begin with. One late night, while I lay in bed watching Nova with my then boyfriend (now husband), a special came on. I can't recall what it was called but it was all about fractal geometry. Now is a good time for a quote from my favorite Mathematician and the father of fractal geometry.

"Why is geometry often described as 'cold' and 'dry' ? One reason lies in its inability to describe the shape of a cloud, a mountain, a coastline, a tree..."

-Benoit Mandelbrot, The Fractal Geometry of Nature, 1977, Ch 1

A key property of any fractal set and the reason I find them so intriguing is "self-similarity". In simplest terms, this is when the smaller parts of a thing look like the whole. Have you ever noticed that this is also a fundamental property of nature? For example, the branches of a tree, if cut from the tree and examined, look like small trees. If you then tear a twig off of the branch and examine it, it resembles the branch and, therefore, the tree. A snowflake is the same way. If you zoom in on a snowflake, it looks similar to the whole snowflake. Below, I list things whose shape can be described as fractal. I will stop short because the list is probably infinite.

Capillaries, nerve cells, clouds, root systems, rivers, lightning, seashells, broccoli, sea urchins...

The power of fractal geometry to describe and simulate so many diverse systems is seriously underexploited. But, the fact that there exist a math to describe something as intangible and complex as beauty in nature, is mind blowing and never fails to move me. Indeed, the "nature of nature", the underlying patterns that tie everything on every scale together, from cells to galaxies, is fractal. So, when people say they "hate math", I wish I could tell them there are such things as fractals. Instead, I hold my tongue because I know how it may received. I hope, however, that more and more people might stumble across these fields and start to think of math as more than just algebra.









Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Six Month Pregancy Update


I am six months pregnant today and happily realizing that I have more behind me than ahead! Interestingly, I've noticed that some people can't help making a face (usually a rapid signal of sadness or embarrassment) when I mention that I don't really enjoy being pregnant. Maybe they interpret this to mean that I am unhappy about having another child. Quite to the contrary, like my first, this baby was enthusiastically planned and is very happily anticipated. Of course, nurturing another human being within your own body is a beautiful thing... in concept. One of the heights of the human experience, a blessing, etc.. But, for me, being pregnant is the means to an end -a baby.

It is the baby I am excited about. I get no special pleasure from the extra attention (except that which I get from my husband who claims to find me beautiful this way). And, contrary to social expectations, I don't see myself as "glowing" -just having oily skin. I don't think the added weight makes me look "cute" -just fat. In fact, the only part of being "with child" I enjoy is the "child" part; feeling her move inside of me, seeing her on the ultrasound, anticipating our meeting, buying the clothes, the gear.

The truth is I am growing increasingly uncomfortable in my own skin, having horrible heartburn and mild insomnia that only gets worse every night.Coupled with the ever present, somewhat comical and often embarrassing pregnancy brain and mood swings I am, admittedly, no walk in the park- especially for my silently suffering husband.

That said, it is a funny thing duly noted by many of my mom friends that in a year or two I, like them, will look back on the discomforts of pregnancy and think to myself, "It wasn't that bad. It was fun... I can't wait to do it all over again!"

Though, for now, all I can say is no pain, no gain. Pregnancy is hard but oh so worth it -a minor sacrifice for the unparalleled beauty and joy a new life brings. A sacrifice I willingly accept, am grateful for and will want to endure again (and again?). But it is not the sacrifice itself I enjoy, it is knowing what I will get in return.






Thursday, December 16, 2010

Affirmative Action


Affirmative Action: an active effort to improve the employment or educational opportunities of members of minority groups and women.
Sounds great, right? Bigot swine aside, who wouldn't want qualified women and blacks, asians, latinos, etc. in the workforce? The problem with affirmative action and the reason I think it is an unfair practice is that it usually overlooks how qualified a person is in favor of their skin color or sex. That is why in Britain they call it "positive discrimination". LOL, this term always makes me laugh, kind of like "reverse racism".

"Positive" discrimination? What does that man? Well, basically, it means that if you have worked your ass off to be at the top of your class and have taken internships to develop skills you think will make you more qualified than the next guy, you'd better hope the next guy is not black or a woman, or you can bet that if the company practices "positive discrimination" AKA "affirmative action", you're screwed!

P.C. Disclaimer: I hate the term African-American. I use "black". If you are offended, you are probably white so I'll ask you, how many black americans do you know that were born in, or have ever lived in Africa? What makes them African-American, then? Ancestry, you say? Well then, shouldn't we all be called African-Americans? Anyway...

Luckily for me, I happen to be a woman of hispanic descent (even though you can't really tell by my skin color) in a field and industry that is overwhelmingly dominated by white males. Chuh-Ching!! I'd love to say that I have such amazing foresight that I predicted this unfair advantage but, the fact is, I love Physics - and Mechanical Engineering was just the most closely related field in which I felt I could actually make some money.

So, I graduated from college with a 3.4 GPA and a 6 month old daughter, and still managed to juggle an internship I felt would make me more qualified than the next guy. And, probably because I was not the next guy, I landed a job with a large corporation that will remain nameless.

On my first day, I realized that I was the ONLY woman in my office building, and in the one next to that, and in the entire department, made up of at least 100 employees. Then, I realized that I was the only hispanic salaried person in the entire factory (1000+ employees)! Hmmmm... I began to wonder if there was not an unlucky white guy with a 4.0 GPA and more experience who did not get the job because he wouldn't have satisfied some affirmative action plan devised to save the company's reputation from being tarnished by insinuations of sexism or racism.

If I am so against affirmative action why, you may wonder, do I not resign on moral grounds?
Why do I stick around and reap it's benefits? Simply stated, I am no fool! Affirmative action did not only (in all likelihood) help me get this job but it also makes it harder for them to fire me and, as a consequence, I get paid a decent salary for working a desk job with more than my share of leniancies. And now that I am visibly pregnant this has only gotten better (worse), to the point that my male co-workers have started to notice and leak their resentment. And, while I never expected to get any special treatment and concede that it is extremely unfair and just plain disgusting, you won't hear me complaining to HR!

Another reason, probably the most important reason, I'm sticking around is that I believe that I am qualified and that I am great at my job. Like many in my graduating class (and perhaps even more so), I worked my ass off! I have memories that will never leave me of trying to breastfeed a screaming newborn while studying for a final at 4 a.m. on two hours of sleep! And, even though I will never know if I am here because my company needed to fill some diversity gap, because they felt I was the most qualified person in their pool, or a little bit of both, knowing that about myself is good enough for me!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"Going Public" and The Nub Theory

Today, I am 16 weeks and 4 days pregnant. A friend of mine recently asked me why I had not "gone public" yet. I assumed she meant why hadn't made a status update or new blog post announcing the good news, but it made me chuckle because I imagined myself on the cover of a tabloid mag sporting suspicious belly bulge with a header that read "Is it a baby bump?". Here is my version:)


I am thrilled to have another child and a sibling for Dahlia. This pregnancy has been almost completely different from the first, so far. For one, I have only gained 5 lbs, which is 7 lbs less than I had gained by week 16 of my first pregnancy. On the downside, I got to see what morning sickness was like with this baby and, some evenings, I am so exhausted after work that I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to put Dahlia to bed! Luckily, in the second trimester (my favorite part of pregnancy) the general malaise is starting to wane, I can feel the baby move occasionally and, soon, I will start looking pregnant instead of just overweight!

Another reason I love the second trimester is that it is the time you get to find out your baby's gender if you so choose! Having a little girl at home, I would love to have a boy next but, more than anything, I just want to be able to go shopping and buy something that isn't unisex! I've been so eager to know if I will have a boy or a girl that, at about 11 weeks, I did some online research into early gender detection using ultrasound, more crudely known as "nub theory". It has to do with the "angle of the dangle" of your fetus' genital tubercle, the protrusion that will eventually form into a clitoris or penis, and it is measured in relation to the spine. It is simple really, >30 degrees indicates a boy and anything less is a girl. It has well documented accuracy when done correctly (about 75% at 12 weeks) and is not a wives tale[1].

[1] Determination of gender - 10 and 14 weeks , Z Efrat et al, Journal: Ultrasound in Obstetrics and Gynecology 1999; 13:305–30.

Anyway, while the theory itself is simple, convincing your ultrasound tech that you do not just have a case of "I read it on the internet, so it must be true!", is another matter all together.

Nevertheless, at my 12 week appointment, I enthusiastically asked if she knew of the technique and if we could try it. I stressed that it would just be for fun and that I would not take the results too seriously. She did not address my question but instead said dismissively, "Well, I'll take a picture of whatever you want but I don't have the equipment to take those measurements". I asked her to just try to get a good shot of it and that I would measure the angle at home (with that sophisticated piece of equipment known as a protractor).

When she had completed the nuchal translucency measurements and located the nasal bone, I could tell she was about to wrap up, so I reminded her of my request. She sighed heavily and said, "You know, this really isn't accurate at this age. We are talking about a "microscopic" size here." Microscopic? I thought, almost laughing out loud, Not really, but I looked at her pleasantly and respectfully explained the theory again and that I was not trying to measure the size but the angle. "I just need a picture of it.", I smiled. "Ok. So, what is it I'm looking for?", she asked repositioning the ultrasound probe. "The genital tubercle", I repeated for what must have been the fourth time. "You can't see the genitalia this early one.", she said with an air of authority. "ARGH!!", I thought. "I know. The genital tubercle is a protrusion that eventually forms into genitalia. It is the same for male and female fetus' with the exception of the angle."

I am sure that this came out condescending but, at that point, I was ready to return some of what she'd been dishing out. "Do you do ultrasounds?", she asked sardonically. She was letting her insecurity show, so I decided to end it there and left- without a usable nub pic.

Luckily, there are only two more weeks left before I have my anatomical ultrasound and hopefully, if the baby (and the technician) co-operates, I will finally know what color onesies to buy!